Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Some Thoughts...

It's almost been one year and I feel like I'm still processing Bronson's dramatic entrance into this world. I've never been able to wrap my head around the fact that the little baby that was in my belly had cancerous tumors growing inside of him that had already spread into his liver. It's not really something you worry about happening while being pregnant. 

The other day I tried to watch The Baby Story for the first time in a year. I watched 5 minutes of it and had to change it. I actually made it through the 5 minutes without crying but because the baby on the show needed some help breathing it brought back memories of Bronson being intubated and having to be bagged in order to breathe. That was the end of The Baby Story for me. 

Everyone always wants a healthy baby but I don't think you really realize how important that is until you've given birth to a very sick baby who wasn't supposed to make it. Even though it's been one year I'm just starting to come to terms with how close we were to losing him. 

I wrote a lot of posts with this verse last year but I absolutely love what it says and I read it over and over. I think it means even more to me because from the first week Bronson was born until the day he went home we had a portion of this verse over the head of his bed. 
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, 
    my God, in whom I trust.”
Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare 
    and from the deadly pestilence. 
He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge; 
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.
If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways; 
they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. 
You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
“Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him. 
With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation. 

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