This week has felt like a roller coaster. On Monday and Tuesday Bronson was content, comfortable, and things looked as though they were getting better but, then Wednesday came along. On Wednesday Bronson started to have some complications with fluid building in his abdomen and he was struggling to breathe due to the pressure. This morning Bronson had a tap done to drain the fluid from his abdomen. A total of 150ml was drained from his stomach and it was thought that this would alleviate the pressure in his abdomen and allow him to breathe much easier... not exactly what has happened.
Little by little this afternoon Bronson has required more and more oxygen. All day we had no answers as to why his breathing was getting worse if the pressure in his abdomen was now gone. We just received word that an x-ray showed that his lung is partially collapsed. He has been put on CPAP for now to help with breathing but if he is still having problems and is uncomfortable he will be getting a breathing tube put in tonight. We're not supposed to be going in this direction... We're supposed to be moving forward and seeing lots of progress... Why do we have to go backwards?
Bronson's liver continues to be a problem. There are no specific answers right now as to what is causing the fluid in his stomach other than the answer we continue to hear - it's something wrong with liver function. One of the doctors told us today that at this point the main focus is not on the tumors or cancer but, instead, figuring out why Bronson's liver function is not up to par. There have been talks of Bronson having a liver biopsy for a while now and that is supposed to give us the answers we're looking for. However, he hasn't been stable enough to have the procedure done. Tomorrow morning the doctors are meeting to decide whether or not to go ahead with the biopsy.
When I got home tonight I couldn't help but look into Bronson's room and picture him laying peacefully in his crib. He should be at home with us instead, he's in the hospital laying in his little bed all by himself listening to the constant beep of monitors and of babies crying. I know that in time he will be home with us but that's not good enough to me... I want him home now. All I can think of is a line from a popular children's book because no matter where my baby is or what happens - my baby he'll be.
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be."
- "Love you Forever" by Robert Munsch