Friday, May 27, 2011

What if...

Today was Bronson's due date. I have found myself wondering numerous times, what if he didn't decide to make his appearance 2.5 weeks early? Would we be in a worse situation? Would things have been the same? If he was in utero for those extra 2 weeks would the cancer have spread even more? Why did his liver all of a sudden start increasing in size so drastically a few days after birth?

I've asked the oncologists these questions and they aren't sure what would have happened had he been born at 40 weeks instead of 37.5 weeks. The head oncologist told me that #1) there have been so few cases this like that there just isn't enough information to compare it to, and #2) there's no research to prove this, but, he thought that at birth some sort of hormone was released that triggered the liver to start growing in size and all of a sudden caused some major problems. There are so many questions I have and so many "what if's" that I think I would lose my mind if I chose to dwell on them all. I am choosing to believe that God's timing for Bronson to come into this world was perfect. His problems at birth are definitely not what a parent wishes for but since we don't know the answers to the "what if's" we have to accept that the way things happened were for the better.

Bronson is now 18 days old. I can't believe 18 days have passed already but, at the same time, it feels like months have passed by. Bronson did make a little bit of a turn in the right direction over night. First of all, he still has an E. Coli infection which is still very serious but he is still not showing any symptoms of it getting worse. He has received numerous blood products and transfusions since he's been born and today some of his blood counts were the highest they've been in a while! His white blood cell count is still VERY low and that's the one we really need to start going up. If his WBC count doesn't start to go up we may have some major problems in terms of his infection getting worse and also having his next round of chemo, currently scheduled for next weekend, postponed until they do go up. Some of Bronson's diuretic medications were changed around and he is still peeing ok which is exciting! He's had problems with peeing since he's been born so we get very excited about his output and peeing! Bronson has started to have a little bit of a low blood pressure which is related to the infection he has and because he is getting rid of some intravascular fluid instead of getting rid of all the fluid in his cells which is making him so puffy and swollen. Instead of continuing to rise, like they have been, his jaundice levels were actually down a little bit today as well! We won't know until Monday if his liver has begun to shrink or not from the chemo and radiation but the team seems to think the radiation should have made a difference. It may not sound like his health status is very different but the fact that some of his blood work and other tests came back a tiny bit better than what they've been is encouraging.

Bronson is our little miracle. Even though he has stage 4S bilateral adrenal neuroblastoma we are choosing to look at the positives of the situation and not all the "what if's". We have our good days and our bad days but I'm pretty sure that's normal in any situation like this.  I know without a doubt that if we did not have as many people praying and supporting us as we do neither of us would have the strength to get through this situation. So thank you to everyone who has been praying for us we greatly appreciate your prayers and need them to get through each day!


Donna Haug said...

We've been praying for your priceless treasure from the first day we heard. We don't know you personally, but my kids always ask at supper time how Baby Bronson is doing. Thanks for keeping us updated. We're praying for Baby Bronson and for you.

The Haug Family

ADasa said...

Praying for you all & especially Bronson.