I've had people say to me, "I don't know how you're getting through and dealing with all that's going on right now". I honestly don't know how I would be able to get through this situation if I didn't have my faith. Yes, there are many times I wonder how I am going to find the strength to get through the day but those are the times that I have to remind myself that God will get us through. Whether or not it's the outcome we've been praying and hoping for - He will get us through it.
This morning when I got to the hospital I found out that Bronson's white blood cell count was finally up a little bit! For about the past two weeks it's been anywhere from 0.1-0.6 and today it was up to 1.5. I am praying it continues to go up and recover to what it should be. This might be a very very small thing to get excited about but it made my day! Not to mention the fact that his kidneys still seem to be doing better and he's still losing fluid. We still don't know whether or not his liver has begun to shrink but we should hopefully hear tomorrow or the next day about that.
I was talking to one of the members of the health care team caring for Bronson and I mentioned that I thought it was great news about his kidneys and WBC count and her response was, "But he is still a very sick boy so don't get too excited yet". Yes, I know he is still very sick and critical; still has an infection; still has tumors in bilateral adrenal glands, liver and lymph nodes; still has a breathing tube; and still has fluid retention but if I don't focus on the positives, regardless of how small they may be, how am I ever supposed to get through each day? If I only focus on how his health looks on paper I don't know if I would be able to make it through all of this. So, yes, I will take any little bit of positive news and I will get as excited as I want about it!
Looking back to four years ago I don't know how I would have made it through dealing with Jon's cancer if I didn't rely on God. Three months to the day before our wedding Jon was diagnosed with stage 3b cancer. The first day that he was in the hospital receiving his first round of chemo I was at school writing one of my final nursing exams on cancer...go figure. That was the hardest exam I have ever had to write. We were told that Jon would have to undergo at least four rounds of chemo followed by radiation and then surgery. Jon had a 17cm tumor between his lungs and heart. If we had have only focused on how his health looked on paper I'm sure we would have felt defeated. But, we trusted in God to give us strength and get us through it. Three rounds of chemo later the doctors said all of the cancer was gone. Jon may have lost all of his hair and was bald for our wedding but we didn't have to postpone it. No radiation or surgery needed. Three and a half years later he is still cancer free!
As impossible as a situation may look I know from experience that things will be alright if we trust God. Without the strength I find from reading the bible and praying I honestly don't know how I would make it through this.
I will not let other people tell me that my baby is not going to make it through this. I will not listen to what the papers or statistics say. I will do anything and everything in my power to see my baby come home with me one day soon.
"Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:31